Ask the Doctor: Email & Phone Advice
Weekly Marriage Blog. Subscribe Today!
Dr. Clarke on Focus on the Family. Click here to listen.
Weekly Marriage Blog

When Your Abuser Does Not Repent

By Dr. David Clarke, Ph.D

The Big Idea

What you do when your abuser chooses to not repent.
 
The Teaching

You have left your abuser and sent him, through a support team member, your list of requirements.  You make it clear that if he wants you back, he must do the list.  He does not want you back.  He hates your guts and ridicules your list.  He tells everyone who will listen that you are crazy, it's all your fault, and that you have no right to leave him and make demands.  He mounts a massive character assassination campaign.  

Sad, but not surprising.  Abusers rarely change.  

Your next move is to fulfill the next two steps of the Matthew 18:15-17 process.  Ask two of your support team members to go and confront your abuser.  If your abuser will not meet with them in person, they can communicate their message by phone or email or mailed letter. 

Their message is: "You are in serious sin.  You have lost your wife and that is all your fault.  This is your one opportunity to repent, come back to God, change, and maybe win back your wife.  We're asking you to do her list." 

When he refuses to listen to your "one  or two witnesses", immediately ask your pastor and church leaders to confront your abuser.  If your abuser is attending a different church at this point, also ask his pastor and church leaders to confront him.  These church leaders deliver the same message your two support team members delivered.  Again, if he refuses an in person meeting, they can communicate through phone, email, or mailed letter. 

Before God, all you have to do is ask these church leaders to follow Scripture and confront your abuser.  Many will refuse.  Some will do it.  

When he refuses to listen to the church leaders, or they wimp out and won't confront him, you will shun him and get away from him.  You're already doing this, so just keep doing it. 

I recommend you stay separated until and unless your abuser repents and shows real change over time.  I never recommend divorce-that is God's business, not mine.  Your abuser may file on you.  Or, God may make it clear that He has released you from the marriage.  

This is my final blog on my new book, Enough is Enough: How to Leave an Abusive Relationship.  You can only purchase this book from my website.

Next week will be my last blog of the year.

Ask the Doctor: Email & Phone Advice
Weekly Marriage Blog. Subscribe Today!
Dr. Clarke on Focus on the Family. Click here to listen.
© 2003 - 2019 David Clarke Seminars - All Rights Reserved.